7.   The DPS are not a bunch of local rent-a-cops, they are Sheriff's Deputies.  You might want to save your smart-assed comments for some other local (who will also be carrying a club and a pistol).

8.   The cute little Italian girl working at Dairy Mart is there to be looked at, not touched...
just ask her brothers.  She'll look more like her mother in a few years anyway. 

9.   Dating a local is highly inadvisable, unless you want to become a local yourself.

10.  Stay on campus!  Traveling to neighboring towns, like Kingwood, to count appliances in the yards can only lead to trouble.

11.  Yeah, we buy our designer clothes at Gabriel Brother's (Gabe's for short).  You will too by the end of    your freshman year.

12.  October through December is deer season.  If the sight of Bambi strapped to the hood of a car disturbs     you we suggest you make a habit of always looking at the ground.

13.  Don't laugh at our big-thighed, large-calved women.  By the end of your 5-6 years here walking these     hills and steps everyday you will have them too.

14.  Just because you have a big truck does not make you one of us.  However, it does show that you are     at least trying.

15.  Burning couches is a University tradition, not a local one.  Do not come on my porch and take my     chaise lounge and lawn chair from Lazy Boy.  These are prized possessions and come at a price. It is your educated guess what the price will be.

16.  Locals do not enjoy waiting behind you in a traffic line, just so you can talk to your buddies at the     cross walk (or talk to them on your cell phone).  If you want to socialize, pick a more congenial spot, like the local drunk bus.  Beeping horns, in the middle of the school week, are not "celebrating" the     latest football victory.